“You don’t have trust issues, do you?” he asked.
I think this guy was expecting me to come to my own defence pretty quickly when he asked this. I think he expected something like, “Issues? I don’t have issues. I’m a cool girl! I don’t have annoying things like issues.”
Instead, I said, “No, but I do have really good intuition and 20 years of dating wisdom. Are ya nervous?”
He deleted me.
I guess some dudes still think that cutting a woman down is the best way to get them into bed. It’s ‘a’ way that sometimes works but it’s incredibly toxic in that it comes from a selfish place. It’s funny how the easiest way to something is usually the most destructive.
What men such as Gary, 41, don’t realise is that “trust issues” don’t belong to women. They don’t spring from inside us like some kind of spontaneous well. We aren’t inherently broken. What men call trust issues, I prefer to call impeccable intuition coupled with infinite wisdom.
The term ‘trust issues’ is on par with calling a woman ‘crazy’. It’s aimed to undermine us by putting the blame on us, suggesting we are broken and cleverly avoiding men any culpability. When men are in fact often responsible for said issues.
But there is nothing wrong with observing a pattern of behaviour in others, identifying that it is toxic and then choosing to protect ourselves by avoiding it. Choosing not to trust someone who displays red flags or toxic behaviours and traits is not ‘trust issues’, it’s woke AF. It’s the red flags that are the problem. It’s men adopting behaviours that make them untrustworthy and then refusing to acknowledge these behaviours that is the problem. But due to men pretty much being able to do whatever the fuck they want, including shifting responsibility for their own behaviour to women, we get branded with ‘trust issues’.
You may be able to trick a woman into sleeping with you, but you can’t shame a woman into trusting you. Trust needs to be earned. You are not entitled to it. Just like you are not entitled to our bodies or our time.
So I call bullshit on your ‘trust issues’.